[BITList] Help desk

[John Feltham]

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:     'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator:  'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller:   'They disappeared.'
Operator:  'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:    'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller:  'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:  'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller:    'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
Caller:  'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:   'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator:    'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:      'What's a monitor?'
Operator:  'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller:   'I don't know.'
Operator:    'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:   'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:  'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall...
Caller:  'Yes, it is..'
Operator:  'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller:   'No.'
Operator:   'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:   'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:  'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller:   'I can't reach.'
Operator:   'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:  'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Calle   'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator:  'Dark??'
Caller:   'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator:  'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:  'I can't.'
Operator:  'No? Why not??'
Caller:  'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??'
Caller:  'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:  'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller:  'Really?  Is it that bad?'
Operator:  'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'