[BITList] Fwd: Terror Alert

[John Feltham]

You might have seen this one before....it keeps coming around.


National Responses to Terror




The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist  
threats in  Islamabad and have raised their security level from  
‘Miffed’ to ‘Peeved’.
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to  
‘Irritated’ or even ‘A Bit Cross’.  Brits have not been ‘A  
Bit Cross’ since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from ‘Tiresome’ to ‘A Bloody  
Nuisance’.  The last time the British issued a ‘Bloody Nuisance’  
warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its  
terror alert level from ‘Run’ to ‘Hide’.  The only two higher  
levels in France are ‘Collaborate’ and ‘Surrender’.
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s  
white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military  
capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from ‘Shout loudly and  
excitedly’ to ‘Elaborate Military Posturing’.  Two more levels  
remain: ‘Ineffective Combat Operations’ and ‘Change Sides’.

The Germans also increased their alert state from ‘Disdainful  
Arrogance’ to ‘Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs’. They  
also have two higher levels: ‘Invade a Neighbour’ and ‘Lose’.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only  
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to  
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new  
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of  
their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from ‘baaa!’ to  
‘BAAAA!’ New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which  
is ‘Shit, I hope Oz will come and rescue us’. In the event of  
invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a  
strategic defensive position called ‘Bondi’.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from ‘No  
worries’ to ‘She'll be right, mate’.  Three more escalation  
levels remain: ‘Crikey!’, ‘I think we'll need to cancel the  
barbie this weekend’ and ‘The barbie is cancelled’. There has  
never before been a situation that has warranted the use of the final  
escalation level...




ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.




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