[BITList] The International Council of Man Laws

[John Feltham]

The International Council of Man Laws.

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
killed and eaten by his friends.

4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday
is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip
bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.

9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known
as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by
a topless model and only when it's free.

11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the
game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports
watchers.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman
to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stop watch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The
fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason
for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
occurs about what a big mistake it was.

20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.

21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown,
pink, lime, green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want
for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I
want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation- End of story.

23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or
Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24. Never wear a man bag to work.

25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But
do you really know the difference between them? In an
effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed
below: 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are
you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say,
'You're next fatty!' I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws