[BITList] Fwd: BULWER-LYTTON CONTEST.

[John Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

*These are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, AKA "Dark
and Stormy Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose
State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad  
novel:

10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to
         break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end  
of it."

9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a
      tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown  
hair,
     deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect  
teeth that
     vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a  
beauty
     that defied description."

7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he
       crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre  
creep.'"

6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
       narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley
       sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep
      her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then
       penguins often do."

3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage
       cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the
       hotel floor."

2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
       meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of
      danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with  
suicidal
      tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS...

1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept
       along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through  
the
       castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat,  
crown
       asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian
       lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's  
deception,
       screaming madly, 'You lied!"








ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.




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