[BITList] Fwd: [vsdh] FW: Listen to The Doctor

[Michael Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Ian Anthony"

Subject: [vsdh] FW: Listen to The Doctor







I love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...  don't  
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up  
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can  
extend the life of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live  
longer?  Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay  
and corn.   And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing  
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your  
system.   Need grain?   Eat chicken.   Beef is also a good source of  
field grass (green leafy vegetable).   And a pork chop can give you  
100% of your recommendeddaily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled  
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get  
even more of the goodness that way.   Beer is also made out of grain.   
Bottoms   up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to  
one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular  
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No  
Pain...Good!

Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in  
vegetable oil.  In fact, they're permeated in it.  How could getting  
more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the  
middle?
A:  Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy?  HELLO   Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!  It's  
the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  'Round' is a shape!

Well,   I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may   have  
had about food and diets.

And  remember:
'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of   
arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but  
rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in   
the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming  
'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'


AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on  
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those  
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacksthan  
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than  
Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart  
attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks  
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats  
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


















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