[BITList] introduction to the blues

[CT's]

this from a friend of mine.

(if you are interested in audio repro/music, try 
Chuck at 2ChannelDistribution.com and the costs of some of this stuff!)

colin t

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Kennedy" <aviselafin107 at cox.net>
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 11:16 PM
To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>
Subject: Fw: introduction to the blues

>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Chuck Kennedy" <chuck at acousticsounds.com>
> To: <undisclosed-recipients:>
> Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 3:09 PM
> Subject: introduction to the blues
>
>
> If you're new to Blues music, or you like it but never really understood
> the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
>
> 1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
>
> 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
> something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the
> meanest face in town."
>
> 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
> Then, find something that rhymes -- sort of:
> Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
> Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
> Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound.
>
> 4. The Blues is not about choice. "You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
> ditch...ain't no way out."
>
> 5. Blues cars: Chevy’s, Fords, Cadillacs, and broken-down trucks.
> Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
> Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
> Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
> Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
>
> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
> Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to
> get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
>
> 7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere
> in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just
> clinical depression.
> Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and N'awlins are still the best
> places to have the Blues.
> You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
>
> 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues.
> A woman with male pattern baldness is.
> Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues.
> Breaking your leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is.
>
> 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting
> is wrong.
> Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
>
> 10. Good places for the Blues:
> a. highway,
> b. jailhouse,
> c. empty bed,
> d. bottom of a whiskey glass.
>
> 11. Bad places for the Blues:
> a. Nordstrom's,
> b. gallery openings,
> c. Ivy League institutions,
> d. golf courses.
>
> 12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, less you
> happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
>
> 13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
> Yes, if:
> a. you're older than dirt,
> b. you're blind,
> c. you shot a man in Memphis,
> d. you can't be satisfied.
>
> No, if:
> a. you have all your teeth,
> b. you were once blind but now can see,
> c. the man in Memphis lived,
> d. you have a 401 K or trust fund.
>
> 14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.
> Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
> Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
>
> 15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the
> Blues.
> Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> a. cheap wine,
> b. whiskey or bourbon,
> c. muddy water,
> d. black coffee.
>
> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> a. Perrier,
> b. Chardonnay,
> c. Snapple,
> d. Slim Fast.
>
> 16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
> death.
> Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
> So are the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
> broken-down cot.
>
> You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
> getting liposuction.
>
> 17. Some Blues names for women:
> a. Sadie,
> b. Big Mama,
> c. Bessie,
> d. Jennie.
>
> 18. Some Blues names for men:
> a. Joe,
> b. Willie,
> c. Little Willie,
> d. Big Willie.
>
> 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and
> Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in
> Memphis.
>
> 20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.),
> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Peach, etc.),
> c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.).
>
> For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Peg leg Lime Johnson,
> or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.
>
> 21. I don't care how tragic your life is; if you own a computer, you
> cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.
>
> So there.
>
> -- 
> Chuck Kennedy,
> 2 Channel Distribution
> Chuck at 2ChannelDistribution.com
>
> 888-526-2564
> www.2ChannelDistribution.com
>
> This message may contain confidential and /or proprietary information,
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> Any use by others is strictly prohibited.
>
>