[BITList] Pun Contest

[John Feltham]

Ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest


1.A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The  
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion  
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says  
"Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in  
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't  
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my Electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root  
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing  
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about  
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?”, they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open  
foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes  
to Spain, they name him "Juan"; the other went to a family in Egypt  
and is named "Ahmal”. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to  
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband  
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they  
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to  
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought  
the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,  
but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They  
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest  
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back  
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving  
that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,  
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate  
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he  
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's  
good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to  
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them  
laugh. No pun in ten did.



ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.




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