[BITList] Fwd: A laugh or two.

[Michael Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Malcolm Smith"
Date: 22 August 2009 10:44:15 BST
To:
Subject: Fw: A  laugh or two.


----- Original Message -----
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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was  
having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the  
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any  
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then  
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and  
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the  
woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the  
preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned  
fine sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use  
profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five  
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel  
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather  
small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed  
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large  
stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied..  'The rest are for your father.'
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92- 
year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and  
ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,  
killing him instantly.  Brought before the court, on the charge of  
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.   
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could  
screw, he could fly.'
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  'The material we  
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting  
here, years ago. Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach  
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be  
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the  
germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the  
most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can  
anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and  
suffering for years after eating it?'  After several seconds of quiet,  
a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,  
'Wedding Cake.'
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country  
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde- 
haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex  
appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to  
his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.  At the very  
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy  
girlfriend?'  Bob replies, 'Girlfriend?  She's my wife!'  They are  
knocked over, but continue to ask.  'So, how'd you persuade her to  
marry you?'  'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell  
her you were only 50?'  Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .  As  
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the  
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She  
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.   
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when  
they no longer produce.'  She then asked, 'What do you do in America  
with your old goats?'  A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on  
bus tours!



Get back to school stuff for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now.
Get back to school stuff for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now.


Get back to school stuff for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now.

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08/07/09 13:13:00





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