[BITList] Fwd: PETS - FOR LOVERS & NON LOVERS

[John Feltham]

...in answer to the beautiful PowerPoint on the cost of bringing up  
children ;-D










  The following was found  posted very low on a refrigerator  door.

Dear  Dogs and Cats: The  dishes with the paw prints are yours and  
contain your food. The other  dishes are mine and contain my food.  
Placing a paw print in the middle  of my plate and food does not stake  
a claim for it becoming your food  and dish, nor do I find that  
aesthetically pleasing in the  slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a  racetrack.  
Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me  doesn't help  
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy  anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry  
about this. Do  not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to  
ensure your  comfort.  However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in  
a ball  when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to  
each  other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know  
that  sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on  
the other  end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last  time, there is no secret exit from the  bathroom! If, by  
some miracle, I beat you there and manage  to get the door shut, it is  
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to  turn the knob or get your  
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the  door. I must exit  
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been  using the bathroom  
for years - canine/feline attendance is not  required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go  smell the  
other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this  enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the  following message  
on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO  VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here..  You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on  
your clothes, stay off  the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'- 
niture. (3) I like my pets  a lot better than I like most people. (4)  
To you, they are animals. To  me, they are adopted sons/daughters who  
are short, hairy, walk on all  fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better  than kids because they (1) eat  
less, (2) don't ask for money all the  time, (3) are easier to train,  
(4) normally come when called, (5) never  ask to drive the car, (6)  
don't hang out with drug-using people; (7)  don't smoke or drink, (8)  
don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't  have to buy the latest  
fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for  college and (11) if  
they get  pregnant, you can sell their children  ...































.._,_.___















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ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.




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