[BITList] The Economy

[John Feltham]

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of  
economy in the UK, my work place has decided to implement a scheme to  
put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible  
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the  
SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as  
Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for  
Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel  
Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or  
SCREWed any further by management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity  
Training) as possible.

Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives  
employees.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this  
anomaly to the attention of your Supervisor.

They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.