<html><head><base href="x-msg://732/"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><br><div><br><div>Begin forwarded message:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>From: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">"Don Crellin" <br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Date: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">20 March 2010 10:24:37 GMT<br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>To: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;"><Undisclosed-Recipient:;><br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Subject: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;"><b>Fw: The Church Ladies Are Back...</b><br></span></div><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><div lang="EN-US" link="blue" bgcolor="#ffffff" vlink="purple"><div> </div><div><br></div><div><strong><font size="4" face="Arial"></font></strong> </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal arial; "><div> </div></div><div><br></div><div class="Section1"><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" style="padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in; "><div id="yiv1375404149"><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 961px; "><tbody><tr><td width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 1.5pt; padding-left: 1.5pt; width: 957px; padding-right: 1.5pt; padding-top: 1.5pt; "><div><div id="ecxIncrediOriginalFontSize"><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" style="padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in; "><div><div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="97%" style="width: 928px; margin-left: 10.75pt; "><tbody><tr><td width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 1.5pt; padding-left: 1.5pt; width: 924px; padding-right: 1.5pt; padding-top: 1.5pt; "><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; "><tbody><tr><td valign="top" style="padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in; "><div><p class="ecxmsonormal" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; "><b><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 18pt; ">Love those Church Ladies..</span></b><span style="font-size: 18pt; "> They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:<br></span><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; ">--------------------------</span></b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 13pt; "> <br><b>The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.</b></span><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: gray; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: fuchsia; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.</span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 13pt; "> </span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "><br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: gray; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "><br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: fuchsia; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: maroon; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: green; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: olive; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>-------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: navy; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 13pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>--------------------------</span></b><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt; "> <br>The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:</span></b><b><span style="font-size: 13pt; "> <br></span></b><b><span style="color: teal; font-size: 18pt; ">"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".<br></span></b><span style="font-size: 9pt; "> <br> </span><o:p></o:p></p></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></td></tr><tr><td width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 1.5pt; padding-left: 1.5pt; width: 924px; padding-right: 1.5pt; padding-top: 1.5pt; "></td></tr></tbody></table></div></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0in; 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